Week 1 of the NFL Preseason is officially in the books, so it’s obviously time to overreact! The Browns are winning the Super Bowl, the Cowboys offense is jack shit without Zeke, and Daniel Jones is the next fucking Pat Mahomes. If you thought any of this to yourself after this weekend, you’re a complete fucking moron. Not to say any of this will not eventually be true, but you truly are an idiot if you believe what you see in the preseason. Let’s not forget 2 years ago when the Browns went 0-16, they were 4-0 in the preseason. We will also not react at all to the rookie QBs who made their debuts this weekend. We will cover their whole preseason as well as their depth chart standing after week 3 or 4 of the preseason. So for now, let’s just get into some good stories of the first weekend of the NFL in 6 months.
The best story of the weekend goes to Browns WR Damon Sheehy-Guiseppi. If you had not heard, Guiseppi lied to the Browns about knowing an exec to even get a try out. This comes after he slept on some grass outside looking for tryouts elsewhere. Well Guiseppi lined up deep for a punt return late into the 4th quarter having not really made an impression yet. Well that all changed with one incredible punt return. Guiseppi fielded the punt, dodged a few tackles and galloped his way to an 86 yard touchdown return. He was immediately mobbed by about half of his teammates who came running from the sideline, obviously ecstatic for him to be able to show his worth. It was an immediate reminder that sports are just the best. We do not know if he will make the team or not, but no one will ever be able to take this moment away from him.
Another storyline out of week 1 came from Buffalo where newly acquired RB Christian Wade took his first NFL carry to the house for a 65 yard TD. Wade, formerly a rugby star from England was picked up by the Bills and immediately made an impact for them. The Bills are overloaded at the RB position (not with any talent, they just have a lot of RBs), so we will keep an eye on Wade’s roster status as we get closer to final cuts.
Finally there were a couple of controversial Week 1 storylines as well. Obviously no Zeke for Dallas, and no Gordon for the Chargers. Zeke has made very clear that he will not play until he has a new contract, and Gordon has already demanded a trade. I will get into full details about these two later this week, but they are still no-shows for now.
The last, and most bizarre storyline comes from Oakland. Antonio Brown has not been seen at training camp this week. Why you ask? Well first reports said Brown was a victime of frostbite from his Cryotherapy sessions, which is not completely uncommon. However new reports have surfaced that this fucking clown is threatening to quit football over the new NFL helmets. Wait, what?! He is going to give up millions of dollars because he has to wear the same helmet everyone else in the league is wearing? He even tried to paint his old Steelers helmet to try and sneak it into Raiders camp. If the reports are true, and Brown is missing camp over the new helmets, Steelers fans are licking their chops after getting rid of this goddamn psychopath. Leave it to AB, Gruden and the fucking Raiders to always be the butt of all the preseason jokes. Sorry Raider fans, the glory days are long gone and John Madden is not walking through that door any time soon.
Now, let’s get to the real important stuff. The Top 25 Fantasy Football QBs for 2019. Now keep in mind, these rankings are based on how I feel about each QB, the team they are on, and just the overall situation they are in.
- Patrick Mahomes-No real explanation needed here. All the weapons are back and they are poised for another AFC West championship. His numbers will more than likely decline at least a little bit from last year, but he is still top dog for fantasy purposes.
- Aaron Rodgers-After a disappointing 2018 campaign Rodgers is candidate number 1 for a bounce back year. New coach, star receiver, stud running back and solid O-line equal big year for Rodgers.
- Deshaun Watson-No real run game plus Deandre Hopkins catching passes adds up to a huge year for Watson.
- Baker Mayfield-Maybe the hardest QB to place for me, but his new weapons will open everything up for the second year stud.
- Matt Ryan-Julio Jones, second year of Calvin Ridley, and no dumbass Steve Sarkisian to fuck everything up.
- Andrew Luck-Hopefully fully healthy with the best O-Line in football leads to big year for Luck.
- Carson Wentz-New deep threat in Desean Jackson plus all the old weapons back.
- Jared Goff-With or without Gurley Sean McVay will have this offense moving.
- Drew Brees-The year is 2050 and old ass Drew Brees is still top 10 in the NFL in passing yards.
- Russell Wilson-No matter what he always finds a way to put up fucking points.
- Phillip Rivers-Every year every “expert” (note I will always have the word expert in quotes because they are all fucking idiots) sleeps on Rivers. Every year he puts up big numbers.
- Ben Roethlisberger-No Bell, no Brown, no problem for Big Ben.
- Cam Newton-If healthy he might be higher, but for now he throws like a bitch and sits at 13.
- Kirk Cousins-Bounce back year for Captin Kirk. As long as he stops bitching about his Center’s sweaty asshole.
- Dak Prescott-Too many weapons to not be fringe QB1.
- Jameis Winston-Huge bounce back year for Jameis as long as he stays away from the crab legs.
- Mitchell Trubisky-Will make enough plays to stay relevant this year.
- Tom Brady-Will probably make me look real fucking stupid by being top 8 but I dont see it now without Gronk.
- Jimmy Garoppolo-If healthy may be in line for a huge year.
- Lamar Jackson-Reminiscent of Michael Vick. Proven with the legs, but a lot left to prove with his arm.
- Derek Carr-A few shiny new toys for Carr may propel him to top 12 this year.
- Matthew Stafford-Throws the ball a metric fuckton.
- Nick Foles-Good QB play seems to elevate this whole team and they seem to have it now.
- Kyler Murray-Plenty of potential with his legs and good weapons on the outside.
- Sam Darnold-Looking to make the jump in year 2. Leveon should make it easy on him.
Let me know what you think in the comments and tune in tomorrow for the top 50 RBs for 2019.</