2019 Fantasy Football Rankings: TE-K-D/ST Edition

I don’t know about you, but picking the right TE every year drives me FUCKING BANANAS! One year I grabbed Jordan Cameron in his breakout year in 2013, but since then it has been nothing but fucking schmucks! Every single year, until last year, or so I thought. I got Greg Olsen and was like “Oh I am set this year.” FUCKING PSYCHE! My man went out and didn’t really do shit for 9 weeks before he got hurt and missed the rest of the season. Fuck this position because if you dont get Kelce, Ertz, or Kittle, it doesn’t even fucking matter! Last year Ebron went nuts and nobody saw that coming! You might be able to throw Evan Engram into those top 3 this year because he is the only receiver with a pulse on that dumpster fire of a team. Either way there is value to be had in the later rounds at the TE position this year so do not panic if you don’t get one of the top 3. Let’s get into it!

  1. Travis Kelce-No shit he was gonna be number 1. He is a beast and Pat Mahomes will be dropping dimes to him again this year.
  2. Zach Ertz-With a healthy Carson Wentz I think Ertz is going to have another HUGE year. He is the best receiver on that team.
  3. George Kittle-Really had a nice connection last year with Nick Mullens. I would bet that it continues with Jimmy G this year. 
  4. Evan Engram-Without OBJ Engram becomes the top act in this fucking circus.
  5. OJ Howard- I am real high on Howard this year! He has shown flashes but this is the year I think he establishes himself as a top 5 TE.
  6. Vance McDonald-More targets in Pittsburgh with AB chuckin up the deuces. McDonald is going to see plenty of those come his way.
  7. Austin Hooper-I really like everyone in this offense this year! That chode Sarkisian is gone and the entire offense will benefit!
  8. Jared Cook-He has plenty of talent but has yet to really put it together. Drew Brees might be the answer for him.
  9. David Njoku-I am higher on him than most people, but I think Njoku is ready to have a big year. The one question mark for Cleveland is their O-line and i think he can be the safety blanket Baker needs when under pressure.
  10. Hunter Henry-After missing all of last season Henry is ready for a big comeback season.
  11. Jack Doyle
  12. Eric Ebron-Flip a fucking coin. I think Ebron is the better player but who fucking knows.
  13. Delanie Walker-Awesome tight end, shitty QB.
  14. Mark Andrews-He will lead the Ravens in receptions this year with a RB playing QB.
  15. Kyle Rudolph-Always a solid TE, but numbers are inconsistent.
  16. Darren Waller-Will lose targets to AB but will still find some openings for Carr to get it to him.
  17. Trey Burton-Ready for a breakout year in an offense without a ton of receiving weapons.
  18. Greg Olsen-Between injury and inconsistency I am staying the fuck away from him.
  19. Jordan Reed-Isn’t this the guys that dies at some point every season and comes back to life during training camp?
  20. Chris Herndon-Darnold may have found a new saftey blanket on Crowder but plenty of targets will be available for Herndon.
  21. Dallas Goedert-Starting TE on a lot of teams, but will line up in 2 TE sets and should have a solid year.
  22. Jimmy Graham-I have him ranked here becuse last year scared the shit out of me, but I have a feeling he finishes top 12.
  23. Noah Fant-Rookie TEs never make a huge impact, but someone has to at some point.
  24. Will Dissly-Plenty of targets to go around in Seattle now.
  25. Tyler Eifert-Good TE, declining numbers. Maybe he has one more year left in him.

Time for the real fuckin athletes!

  1. Justin Tucker
  2. Greg Zuerlein
  3. Stephen Gostkowski
  4. Harrison Butker
  5. Will Lutz
  6. Adam Vinatieri
  7. Robbie Gould
  8. Ka’imi Fairbarn
  9. Mason Crosby
  10. Brett Maher
  11. Mike Badgley
  12. Jason Myers
  13. Matt Prater
  14. Jake Elliot
  15. Ryan Succop
  16. Dan Bailey
  17. Graham Gano
  18. Aldrick Rosas
  19. Giorgio Tavecchio
  20. Daniel Carlson

And now down to the nitty gritty…the Defenses!

  1. Chicago Bears
  2. Jacksonville Jaguars
  3. LA Chargers
  4. LA Rams
  5. Minnesota Vikings
  6. Houston Texans
  7. Indianapolis Colts
  8. NE Patriots
  9. Baltimore Ravens
  10. NO Saints
  11. Denver Broncos
  12. Buffalo Bills
  13. Cleveland Browns
  14. Tennessee Titans
  15. Washington Redskins
  16. Dallas Cowboys
  17. Pittsburgh Steelers
  18. Carolina Panthers
  19. Philadelphia Eagles
  20. NY Jets

Well that wraps it up for the 2019 Fantasy Rankings. I hope you can all use these to help you, except you chodes in my leagues then you guys can GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE! Check back this week where I will do win totals, awards predictions and division previews.

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