What a Sunday it was! The first Sunday of the NFL season is like Christmas morning. You wake up with the hope that your favorite team won’t fuckin blow dudes; you wake up with aspirations of dominating your fantasy league; and some of you wake up with the hopes of hitting some of your degenerate parlays. No matter what your preference, that first NFL Sunday just hits different!
There were plenty of great performances yesterday, but I am going to focus on the fucking chodes of the league after the first Sunday. Who played like shit? Who looked like a real fucking idiot during the first week of the season? Well you are about to find out!
1-The Entire Miami Dolphins Organization
We knew the Dolphins were going to be bad, but HOLY SHIT, they were awful. Lamar Jackson looked like Peyton Manning out there and Hollywood Brown looked like fuckin Jerry Rice. It was one of the worst NFL performances I have ever seen. It was 42-0 at HALFTIME! It was even reported that some players immediately contacted their agents to get traded out of Miami after the game. I get not wanting to be on a shitty team, but the same players who want to be traded are the ones who got the shit beat out of them. What a shitshow yesterday was and it could only get worse as the season progresses.
I was real high on Winston coming into this season, and after game 1 I look like a complete fucking idiot! He was turrible! He looked as bad as he did when he was a rookie. He threw 3 picks, 2 of which were returned for TDs, he fumbled twice, neither of which was lost, and was sacked 3 times. It was an absolutely pathetic performance from a guy is likely playing for his job. If he continues to play like a chode he will be out of a job and we may never see him start in the NFL again.
Darnold came into this season with some pretty lofty expectations. He was supposed to take the leap into that next tier of QBs. Well that didn’t fuckin happen now did it?! Darnold looked like a pussy yesterday! I get it, the O-line was awful, but he looked scared all fucking day and his stats show it. He threw 41 passes for 175 yards! For those of you counting, that’s 4.3 yards per attempt! That is fucking awful! He did not look great and he better get his shit together if the Jets want any chance at a wild card spot.
I know, I know the Cowboys blew out the Giants, how could Zeke be on this list? Well Zeke just signed a $90M deal because he said he is the best RB in football. Well that did not show yesterday. Dak was clearly the most important Cowboy out there yesterday! Zeke was not even the best running back in this game. Zeke had a decent line of 13 for 53 and a TD, but Saquon went 11 for 120. Zeke man if you are going to hold out for the top RB money ever you need to be at least one of the two best players on the field. You look like a real chode out there playing like the 4th best player on the field. Give me Saquon and CMC all day over this asshole.
I absolutely had to include him on this list after what happened yesterday! What a fucking joke! Everyone was all over the Browns heading into this season and look what the fuck happened. The 2nd year QB looked like a rookie. The OL looked awful, they could not stop the run, and they just could not do anything right on offense. It all starts and ends with the QB though. Baker threw 3 picks and was sacked 5 times! I’m sure Cameron Wake loved chasing Baker’s ass around all day! Baker is a polarizing figure in this league and I really think they will figure it out, but teams are going to go after the Browns this year, and every time someone succeeds like the Titans, Baker is going to catch a whole lot of shit for it!
Let me if you think anyone was a bigger schmuck this week than these guys!