Week 1 was glorious! It may not have been for some of you schmucks, but as a football fan, even if you lost, you have to be ecstatic that it was back! We had some real surprises, a few fucking vultures, and some obvious blowups from the superstars.
Last week was pretty good for GOATs and Chodes as only 1 or 2 really made me look stupid. (Looking at you Delanie Walker, you bitch!)
Tom Brady-They are playing the Dolphins, and I am sure that by now you heard what happened to the Dolphins last week. Lamar Jackson ripped them a new asshole and went crazy to the tune of 324 yards and 5 TDs, in 3 QUARTERS! Brady has Gordon healthy, AB will be in there and the Pats may actually score 70 points this week.
Derek Carr-He really impressed me on Monday night and I think it will carry over the KC this weekend. The Chiefs improved a little bit on defense, but Gardner Minshew came in and played extremely well against a Chiefs defense that can be beat. The game is in Oakland and I very much expect the Raiders to be competitive while being led by Carr.
Kerryon Johnson-Did you see what Marlon Mack did to the goddamn Chargers last weekend?! I did and the flood gates should stay open against the Chargers this Sunday. Johnson did not look great in Week 1, but I expect improvement, and I expect Matt Patricia to make a concerted effort to get him the ball 20-25 times.
Sony Michel-Same story here. Ingram ran a fucking train on the Dolphins last week and Michel will be looking to bounce back in a big way. The Patriots are going to feed him early and often and he will run circles around the shitty ass Dolphins.
Juju Smith-Schuster-The Legion of Boom is fucking DEAD! Andy Dalton marched into Seattle and shit all over the Seahawks defense. John Ross was his favorite target and I see the Steelers getting back on track this week. Juju will get his targets and make the most of them.
DJ Moore-The volume is there for Moore with 10 targets in Week 1 and they get an easier matchup this week. They play at home on a short week against the Bucs. Cam looked decent in game 1 and I think Moore will be a big part of the offense this week.
Evan Engram-He had 14 fucking targets last week and the Giants have no one else on the outside to throw to. Him and Saquon are the only capable offensive players on this team and it will not change soon.
TJ Hockenson-What a week for the rookie! He set the rookie TE record for receiving yards in a debut with 131. He had 9 targets and 6 receptions so you know it was not a complete fluke. He will be a nice safety blanket for Stafford to have this year.
Carolina Panthers-Jameis looked fucking horrible last week. Traveling to Carolina on a short week will not make it any easier. Winston is probably good for another pick or two.
Houston Texans-I know Gardner Minshew looked real good last week. Now the Texans are coming off a tough loss and they have a whole week to prepare for the rookie. Expect JJ Watt and company to come out with a fire under their asses.
Kirk Cousins-Do we even know if Kirk Cousins is any fucking good?! He only threw 10 fucking passes this week! 10 PASSES!! How does that even happen in today’s NFL?! It will not be so easy against a much improved Packers defense.
Jimmy Garropolo-Cincinnati’s defense looked way better than expected in week 1 and that was IN Seattle. Coming back home with the 49ers traveling east, I expect Jimmy G to struggle quite a bit.
Chris Carson-He did not look good in week 1. He had a touchdown which bailed all of his owners out, but he only averaged 3 fucking yards per carry at home against the Bengals! This time they get the Steelers on the road who did not let Sony Michel do fucking anything last week.
Devonta Freeman-Not only did he look like shit last week, but it also looked like he was in a timeshare with Ito Smith. What a shitshow that would be for people who drafted Freeman in the first 4 rounds. Either way, the Eagles don’t give up much on the ground and it will be tough for Freeman.
T.Y. Hilton-He looked good against the Chargers, but Tennessee looked better against a loaded Cleveland WR group. Tennessee’s D is extremely underrated and they are going to a real tough matchup for Hilton.
Davante Adams-Davante has a date with Xavier Rhodes this week. If you don’t believe in Rhodes just watch what he did to Julio last week. (6 catches for 31 yards) Rodgers trusts his other weapons now and will not force the ball to Davante while he is blanketed by Rhodes.
Austin Hooper-Hooper had a huge week this week (9 for 77), but a lot of that can be attributed to Rhodes coverage on Julio. Hooper’s targets will go down and he will not make as much of an impact as last week.
David Njoku-The Jets really struggle on the outside, but the safeties and linebackers that will cover Njoku are all very capable. Njoku is going to have a tought go of it, especially since Odell is going to buttfuck Trumaine Johnson all night long.
Minnesota Vikings-I think Aaron Rodgers and the Packers get it figured out this week and put a complete game together. Jimmy Graham might be back and MVS looks solid on the outside. With the exception of Rhodes, the Vikings D is in for a long day.
Good luck this weekend! Daily Fantasy picks will be in this weekend!