The NFL, unlike any other sport, has plenty of surprise teams every year. You always know who the top dogs are going to be, but there is always a few teams that really surprise everyone and make a run at the playoffs. In fact, since 2002 when the divisions were realigned, 22 teams have gone from last place in their division one year to winning their division the next year. There has been at least one team that has done this in every single season since then except for 2014. That is why every single fan goes into the NFL season with hope. That is why NFL fans are so fucking crazy before, during, and after every single game. This season however, may not see a worst to first team.
1-New England Patriots-I absolutely fucking hate putting them at the top of this list. Normally, I would find any excuse in the world to put them at number 2 or 3 on this list, but what they have done through 2 weeks is undeniable. The Pats have outscored their opponents 76-3 through two games. Now one of those games was against the Dolphins, but the Pats are on pace to shatter the NFL record for point differential: 2007 Patriots +315. The offense looks great and yesterday was only a taste of what Antonio Brown adds to this offense. (He is still an enormous fucking asshole but you cannot deny his talent) They may also have the best defense in the NFL. This team is obviously going to the playoffs, but you have to wonder, can they run the table again?
2-Kansas City Chiefs-The Chiefs are exactly who we thought they were. They have the dynamic offense in football led by Mahomes, an offensive mastermind in Andy Reid, and a defense that would scare the shit out of any fan. They improved the run D but the secondary is still suspect. That doesn’t fucking matter though. This team is all about Mahomes, who showed yesterday even without Tyreek Hill, they can score whenever the fuck they want. They will look to make a run to the Super Bowl this way, but we have seen that not work out for other teams in the past (07 Pats, 13 Broncos, 15 Panthers).
3-Los Angeles Rams-Sean McVay has this team ready to make another run at the Super Bowl. I’m sure he took that SB loss real hard considering they only scored 3 fucking points. They have Cooper Kupp back which I think would have made a huge difference in the Super Bowl, and they look really good so far. A win on the road in Week 1 followed by a win in a huge NFC Championship Game rematch in week 2. I know Brees got hurt, but their defense looked real good before his injury and the offense really picked it up in the second half. They will remain the class of the NFC, especially with Brees expected to miss 6-8 weeks.
4-Green Bay Packers-The Pack is fucking back! Aaron Jones looked great yesterday, and Aaron Rodgers looks like he is getting closer to his old self which means the Packers are probably the new favorites to win the North. It is a little concerning that they really let off the throttle yesterday against the Vikings, but they still picked up a big divisional win and are now 2-0 against the Bears and Vikings. The biggest difference from last year to this year? The defense! I cannot believe what I have seen through two weeks with this defense. They revamped a little bit, but the turnaround from last year has been insane!
5-Dallas Cowboys-The Cowboys are 2-0 in the division, but I would not say that they were extremely impressive wins. The only reason they are at 5 is because both of those games were on the road, but beating the Giants and Redskins are not something teams are going to be intimidated by. Both of those teams fucking blow and they are both looking at winning less than 5 games. Plus, they really let the Redskins hang around for too damn long in their win yesterday. They get another fucking cupcake next week with the Dolphins, but the schedule will eventually get a little more difficult and we will see what this team is really about.
6-Baltimore Ravens-What the fuck?! Lamar Jackson in the MVP discussion, John Harbaugh for coach of the year, and the Ravens are now the favorite to win the AFC North. Big Ben is done for the season, the Browns woefully underperformed in Week 1 and have a must-win Week 2 match with the Jets tonight and the Ravens are in a perfect spot to run away with this division. The defense has been real good and the offense has been great. If Lamar takes care of the ball and can continue making throws downfield, he immediately becomes the most dangerous player in football.
7-Philadelphia Eagles-Last night was more of a fluke to me than any other game this week. The defense looked great again with the exception of 1 fucking play. They picked off Matt Ryan 3 times and held them to 17 points before Julio just took it upon himself to win the game. Wentz looked way better after his brief injury break and I believe he will continue to get better as the season goes on. The biggest concern is the run game. Miles Sanders is the best back they have, but he gets hit in the backfield on almost every carry. The OL needs to be better and open up holes for the RBs. If they can’t fix this, it’s going to be a long season.
8-San Francisco 49ers-I was skeptical after Week 1, and I know Cincy isn’t like the fucking class of the league or anything like that, but that was an impressive win in Week 2. Jimmy G. looked great, the RBBC worked, and the defense may actually be really good. They held Mixon to less than 20 yard rushing and got some big time stops when they needed to. They had 4 sacks and forced a turnover in a blowout road win that may have been a message to the rest of the league. They may also go on to lose 2 of the next 3, but for now they claim a top 10 spot.
9-Seattle Seahawks-Seattle is 2-0 but those wins have come by a combined 3 points. They squeaked out a stinker at home against Cincy last week and they beat Pittsburgh on the road this week. Now Ben left the game and that played a huge difference in the game, but they are 2-0 nonetheless. Wilson looks solid, the defense looks OK, and Rashaad Penny finally came busting out yesterday! They have had a lot of faith in Penny over the last 2 years and it looks like he may have finally turned the corner.
10-Detroit Lions-The Lions are the most confusing team of the first 2 weeks. They blew a huge lead on the road in Arizona which resulted in a fuckin tie. Then the defense plays awesome and essentially won the game for them against the Chargers in Week 2. MATT PATRICIA YOU FAT FUCK! TELL DARRELL BEVELL TO GIVE KERRYON JOHNSON THE BALL 20-25 TIMES NEXT WEEK! With his talent it will not take long for him to bust a couple out. The Lions will remain limited on offense as long as Patricia and Bevell limit Kerryon’s touches.
11- Buffalo Bills-They are 2-0, but that offense does not look great. In Week 1 they could not do anything until CJ Mosley left the game. Allen turned the ball over 4 times and they barely beat the Jets 17-16. Yesterday they looked a lot better, but that is because they played the ASS of the NFL in the Giants. Either way, there is something to be said for starting 2-0 in a conference that looks like it will have wide open Wild Card Spots.
12-Indianapolis Colts-The Colts have actually looked really good with new QB Jacoby Brissett. That division has too many fucking problems to count and it is currently wide open for the taking. Look for the Colts to rely on Mack, Brissett, and the OL to make a playoff push.
13-Tennessee Titans-Derrick Henry and the OL looked unstoppable in Week 1. They looked very stoppable in Week 2. The one constant was solid play from the defense. The defense is going to need to keep it up and the OL and Henry will need to be more consistent if the Titans have a playoff run in them.
14-Minnesota Vikings-Almost the same story as the Titans. They looked phenomenal in Week 1 and pedestrian in Week 2. The D buckled up in the second half and they finally got the ball moving a little bit, but Captain Kirk just does not fucking have it!
15-Cleveland Browns-They got blown the fuck out in Week 1 at home! Not a great way to start the season for the most hyped team this year. They will probably blow the fuck out of the pathetic Jets tonight but that doesn’t mean much to anyone.
16-New Orleans Saints-This comes on the heels of the announcement that Brees will miss at least 6 weeks and he may get put on IR. That offense did not look great with Teddy running it yesterday. Easier matchups will come but they are not a playoff threat without Brees, and it may be too much to make up when he comes back.
16-New Orleans Saints-This comes on the heels of the announcement that Brees will miss at least 6 weeks and he may get put on IR. That offense did not look great with Teddy running it yesterday. Easier matchups will come but they are not a playoff threat without Brees
17-Houston Texans-Houston looked like they might be able to compete this year in Week 1. Then they almost lay an egg at home against Jacksonville. The OL is fucking horrendous! They cannot protect Watson for shit and they will not scare anyone until they can.
18-Los Angeles Chargers-More than they miss Melvin Gordon, they miss Russell Okung. Rivers has little to no time to throw the ball almost every down and it really showed against the stacked front 7 the Lions have. They are also really missing stud safety Derwin James. The injury bug bit real fucking hard for LA this year and it may be too late when they get all their pieces back.
18-Los Angeles Chargers-More than they miss Melvin Gordon, they miss Russell Okung. Rivers has little to no time to throw the ball almost every down and it really showed against the stacked front 7 the Lions have. They are also really missing stud safety Derwin
19-Chicago Bears-I think everyone overrated Mitch Trubisky. And by everyone I mean me. I thought he was going to take a step forward this year, but after 2 weeks it looks like he has run fucking backwards. He looks like dogshit and they will not compete until that changes.
20-Oakland Raiders-For 5 quarters the Raiders shocked the fucking world. They beat the Broncos and they were up 10-0 on the invincible Chiefs. Then Patrick Mahomes shat all over the city of Oakland in the 2nd quarter. The Raiders have the talent, but are maybe 1 or 2 years away.
20-Oakland Raiders-For 5 quarters the Raiders shocked the fucking world. They beat the Broncos and they were up 10-0 on the invincible Chiefs. Then Patrick Mahomes shat all over the city of Oakland in the 2nd
21-Atlanta Falcons-This offense is significantly held back by the shitty play of Matt Ryan. In the home opener he threw 3 fucking picks and was saved by Julio’s 64 yard catch and run. The Falcons will win some nail biters and then they will lose some games that make you wonder how any of them are pros.
22-Tampa Bay Buccanneers-Winston looked fucking awful in Week 1, and he looked OK in Week 2. The defense has been pretty solid as the offense gave up more points than the defense in Week 1. In a division that is now wide the fuck open, the Bucs may be able to make a run at it.
23-Arizona Cardinals-Raise your hand if you though Kyler would be this good right off the bat. Nobody should be raising their fucking hands! He is not a Pro-Bowler, but he has shown signs of being successful in this league and that is all Arizona needs right now.
24-New York Jets-The defense is solid, and Leveon looked good in Week 1. The problem is they have no playmakers on the outside, and now Darnold has fucking MONO! How the fuck do you, as a grown ass fucking adult, get Mono?! Trevor may have some magic up his sleeve but I doubt it.
25-Washington Redskins-The Redskins have been extremely competitive during their 0-2 start. They held a lead on the Eagles and stayed up the Cowboys ass for most of the game. Keenum is extremely underrated as a passer and it is showing in Washington. They still fucking suck though. The defense is trash!
26-Cincinnati Bengals-Cincy almost walked out of Week 1 with a win, but they got their fucking doors blown off in Week 2. If Mixon is not 100%, which he is not right now, they do not stand a chance.
27-Jacksonville Jaguars-Big Dick Nick is out and so are the Jaguars playoff hopes. Gardner Minshew was a good story for about 12 hours, but he kind of blows. Ramsey is fighting with the coach and they Jags are pretty much fucked.
28-Carolina Panthers-They looked good in Week 1. CMC ran down the Rams throats all day, Cam looked OK, and the defense kind of held their own. Then Week 2 happened. Cam looks fuckin broken, the OL looks shitty, and there are no weapons outside of CMC.
29-Denver Broncos-The Broncos are a 53 yarder away from being 1-1, but here you have it, the Broncos at 0-2, and really nothing good to come from it. The defense is pretty good, but the offense cannot do fucking anything. I was a Flacco believer, but fuck that! FLACCO=NOT ELITE!
30-New York Giants-What the fuck is going in with the Giants?! It’s even worse than I originally thought. The defense is god awful, Saquon is the only person in the whole organization who knows a god damn thing about playing football. The rest of the team fucking blows.
31-Pittsburgh Steelers-Big Ben is done for the season and Mason Rudolph takes over as the starter. It was going to be tough for them anyway, now it’s damn near impossible.
32-Miami Dolphins-Unless you have been living under a rock you have undoubtedly heard how terrible the fucking Dolphins are. So bad in fact that they have the third worst point differential ever through 2 games. They are currently -92! MINUS FUCKING 92! That is losing each game by an average of 46 points. This is an NFL team we are talking about here! This is only going to get worse. Half the team wants out and they may not win a game this year. (But they will probably beat the Jets)
There it is! Head Honcho’s Week 2 Power Rankings.