Fantasy Football GOATS and Chodes-Week 5

Well I for one had one of the shittiest weeks I have ever had in Fantasy Football in my life. I tried to get cute and bench Jameis against what was supposed to be a good Rams defense and decided to start Keenum against a shitty Giants defense. Let’s all LOL at how fucking dumb I am because that was a 46 point swing in my league. I also had assholes like Mack and Freeman not do shit for me and then to pour more salt into the wound, Deandre Hopkins is off to a career slow start so far this year. In a 0.5 PPR standard league I scored 51 points. 51 FUCKING POINTS! It’s embarrassing! But it’s in the past and we move on to Week 5.



Andy Dalton-Dalton has not been great this year and he was particularly awful on MNF against the Steelers, but it can’t possibly get any worse than that. He has however thrown the ball 166 times for an average of 41-42 times per game, good for 4th most in the league. On the other side of the ball, the Cardinals are in the bottom 10 in passing YPG allowed giving up over 270 per week. I expect Dalton to air it out and exceed his FantasyPros projection of 16.4 by a pretty solid margin.

Kirk Cousins-Everyone needs to stop being so fucking dramatic with Cousins. We all knew he was not that great when he signed his huge deal with the Vikings so let’s not overreact to him not playing great against good defenses to start the year. This week though, they do not play a good defense. They actually play a dogshit defense in the Giants and Cousins will be using this game to try and prove everyone wrong. The Giants are also giving up the 6th most points to QBs and they have not really played any studs other than Prescott. Yes he only throws 25 times a game, but he will pick his spots and he will make some big throws and probably blow past his 16 point projections.


David Montgomery/Tarik Cohen-Mitch Trubisky is out and the easiest way for the Bears to win games will be using the run game and playing defense. Montgomery will FINALLY get to showcase his talent this week in London. Cohen had 5 carries and 5 targets last week and they will incorporate him in the gameplan even more this week. Chase Daniel isn’t slinging the pigskin around. He is going to dink and dump and Cohen will be a big beneficiary of this.

Miles Sanders-The Jets have a solid run defense surrendering less than 90 YPG which is bad news for a guy like Jordan Howard who for the most part makes his living between the tackles. Sanders should be a big part of the gameplan as they will use his speed to get into the 2nd and 3rd level of the Jets defense. Coming off a game in which he averaged 6.5 YPC look for the Eagles to add to his workload.


Jarvis Landry-It looks like Landry and Baker finally got on the same page last week and they look to continue that this week. Landry is 2nd on the team in targets and receptions with 33 and 18 and he leads the Browns in receiving yards with 328. He is still looking to get in the end zone for the first time but there’s a good chance that happens this week with SF only giving up 75 YPG on the ground. He should fucking demolish his projection of 8 points!

Marquez Valdes-Scantling-On paper it seems like a tough matchup, but look at who the Dallas D has played so far this year: The Giants (No #1 receiver), The Skins (McLaurin-5/62/1), the Dolphins (P. Williams 4/68/0), the Saints (Thomas 9/95/0). The Dallas defense can be had and all of those numbers are with suspect QBs. With no Davante Adams look for MVS to get plenty of volume against a defense that has not been tested by a real good QB yet.


Tyler Eifert-Although he only averages 4 targets per week this is all matchup based! The Cardinals fucking blow covering opposing TEs as evident by the total domination against them: Week 1-Hockenson 6/131/1; Week 2-Andrews 8/112/1; Week 3-Olsen 6/75/2; Week 4-Dissly 7/57/1. In case you don’t feel like counting, that is 5 FUCKING TDs allowed to opposing TEs through 4 games. Start Eifert over every TE except Kelce, Engram, Ertz, Kittle.

Jared Cook-Tampa has solid CBs but they have given up over 90 YPG to TEs this year. 8/54 to Kittle in Week 1, 6/110 to Olsen in Week 2, 6/113/1 to Engram in Week 3, 9/85/1 to Evertt/Higbee in Week 4. Cook was 2nd on the team in targets last week behind only Michael Thomas and I expect Teddy to use him even more this week. If not, then fuck you Teddy!


Cleveland Browns-Jimmy G has only been sacked twice this year but he has yet to face a defensive line like Cleveland’s. Myles Garrett has 6 sacks this year already and the Browns have forced 7 turnovers and look to add to that number. I’m not sure I trust SF’s offense yet and Cleveland is in a good spot to get plenty of points on the road here.


QB Chodes

Dak Prescott-I know Wentz threw for 3 TDs against GB last week but he only threw for 160 yards and GB still has a real solid defense giving up less than 13 points per week to opposing QBs. He is getting Gallup back but Dallas is missing key pieces on the OL and the whole offense looked like shit last week. Dak is going to struggle again this week. Fuckin bank on it!

Deshaun Watson-Watson has the ability to be a really good QB in this league, but he does not have the OL to do that right now. He struggled last week and I see him struggling again this week as he has taken 18 sacks already this year. He has only thrown 1 pick but he has lost 2 fumbles which happens when your OL can’t block for shit. He may have an OK week but compared to the other top 10 guys I don’t see him passing his 21 point projections.

RB Chodes

Alvin Kamara-TB defense has held the following top 10 RBs in check this year: CMC, Barkley (got hurt but wasn’t doing much beforehand), Gurley. They held Gurley and CMC to a combined 113 total yards and neither of the scored a TD. I know the Saints are trying to rely on Kamara but the Bucs run defense is legit and Kamara most likely won’t be going anywhere on the ground.

Chris Carson-The Rams are only surrendering 92 rush YPG and Carson has only gone over 60 yards once this season and that was this past week against a bad Cardinals defense. Game flow will also go against Carson as this will most likely be a fast paced game. Keep in mind that Carson has also lost 3 fumbles this year. It just all adds up to a bad day at the office for him and for your dumbass if you start him.

WR Chodes

Amari Cooper-I have already picked Cooper as a Chode once and he made me look like the fucking Chode, but I am going right back to him. Green Bay’s secondary has been great. Even in a loss to the Eagles, nobody on the Eagles had more than 65 yards receiving and that was the TE. GB has given up the least amount of fantasy points to opposing WRs, meaning this is going to be a long week for Cooper.

Juju Smith-Schuster-Nobody is suffering more from a QB injury than Smith Schuster. He is a downfield threat with a QB who cannot get the ball downfield. His long TD was a catch and run and in a blowout over a bad defense he could not get anything going finishing with only 3 catches for 15 yards. Expect more of the same from him this week and sell as quick as possible in redraft on him!

TE Chodes

Zach Ertz-If there is one position the Jets can cover with the secondary it is TE. The Jets have only given up 5 catches for 81 yards to opposing TEs which is good for the 2nd least amount of points allowed to TEs. It probably has more to do with the awful coverage on the outside, but either way don’t expect a huge game from Ertz this week.

Austin Hooper-Another former Chode pick who made me look like a fucking idiot! Well not this time Hooper! Houston has been one of the best against TEs all season and that will not change this week. Houston has given up less than 100 yards through 4 games to opposing TEs so far this year. On the flip side they have given up the 7th most points to WRs and 8th most points to RBs meaning everyone else for Atlanta will probably have a good game except for fucking Hooper.

D/ST Chodes

Carolina Panthers-The Panthers defense has been incredible, but Minshew Mania might be the most fucking incredible thing we have ever seen. He has only thrown 1 pick in 4 games and he has been electric all year! He may not score an ass ton of points this week, but he will take care of the ball and limit the Panthers fantasy ceiling.

San Francisco 49ers-I am all in on Cleveland this week. I do not believe San Fran is completely for real yet and they are about to get a reality check from a Brown offense that is starting to get in sync. Baker takes care of the ball again and the Browns put up at least 28 on the road.

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